Who I Am
This first entry is to give you some insight into who I am. That being said, do not take it to mean you will know me after reading. But you will have an idea.
Navigating the world of boxes in the Kink community is the
biggest trap for those of us who hate definitive definitions determined by the
binary collective. My feelings and
thoughts are informed by how I chose to live my life and those I
choose to share it with and they with me.
Everything I do I started experiencing and developing long
before I knew there was an active community to join. The core of who I am was formed in those
years and I have fought like hell to not allow the constraints of the boxes
that are applied to us form normative terminology and nomenclature.
My existence in the scene is also colored by the fact I am a
Black Man in a White controlled environment. The steps I take in this world
will always be tempered by the fact others will believe I must live to a
different standard because the first requirement is I must overcome the
stereotypes applied and the fetishization of Black Men and Women.
Almost Back…Selectively Back
I left the scene some years ago believing I would never come
back but here life changes and opens doors, some new and some…I thought I
desired to close forever. So, I feel
the need to lay out some truths about myself and how I live my life in the
scene.
Identity:
Daddy/ Dom: Sensual Sadist / Disciplinarian / Mentor
Daddy: First and foremost,
I believe in the power of nurture, love, accountability and service. I love being a Daddy. It owns my heart because it is the place
where I believe my desire to show my Partner unconditional love and hopefully
provide a safe place for him to be who they are without fear of judgement. That does not mean I am Daddy because I love
hearing…Fuck me, Daddy! I mean it has
it’s place. Just sayin’…but my Daddy space, except for my Partner, is platonic
and non-sexual.
Dominant/ Sensual Sadist:
I am not the guy who just wants to beat the hell out of someone. I do not gravitate towards pain sluts. I love the sensual side of TTWD. I have cultivated the Art of Sadism from the
Sensual side of things. I love making
even the most intense toys feel sensually sadistic.
Switch
I am a Switch an unabashed one. My desire to live on both sides of the
“slash” is totally informed by the fact I was raised by the strongest Woman I
have and will ever know. But I was
surrounded by strong confident Women who taught me that there was nothing a Man
could do that a Woman could not match.
The Women in my early life ruled the house and everything I learned
about being a Man that holds value, I learned from those strong Women. The fact that these strong Women were also
the first disciplinarians in my life is not a contributor to my love and desire
for being spanked. But those loving
hands did teach me there is no shame in allowing a Woman to take the lead.
My being a Switch does not negate my ability to guide. Lead
or protect. If you want to know
How I play
My play is emphatically informed by my Blackness! I love music and rhythm when I play. The way I play does not look like the how
White people in the scene play. It is
unique to me, my heritage, my spirituality, my environment growing up. It is UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK.
Comments
Secondly, I find it interesting that you mentioned leaving the community and vowing never to return. Although I'm quite active online in BDSM, you won't find me in my local community - ours is very cliquey, and it frustrates me how you need to attend all of the local events to be "in".
Lastly, I find it fascinating how you and I have decided to take a stand against and oppose some of the flaws in the BDSM lifestyle - you against the overwhelming Whiteness of kink, and me against ablism in BDSM. It's the ones who make change that people most remember. Rock on, and I can't wait to read more :)
First of all thanks for the comment. To respond to your questions. I've seen some amazzing scenes by my White Players. My friends are some of the most accomplished Players I know. But it just hits differently. The energy for me is different...not in a bad way just different. As it should be.
The whole leaving forver thing...LOL...yeah, be careful of words like forever. Although I did leave and I'm not on Kink related sites. My ventures now into dungeon spaces are REALLY limited by friends asking or inviting. My local scene has shifted so much since the pandemic it has really collapsed upon itself and feels less connecteed as a community.
No matter what level of activitey I have in the community I will always be an advocate for diversity. And I totally agree with you on the ableism component.
Haha well quite, yes, but hey we can all say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment! I did get an invite for a meet-up myself yesterday, actually: The eight dick pics and lack of information on his profile made me decide he probably wasn't for me lol.
It's a shame about your local BDSM community. I think mine is younger now, but I woulddn't say it has collapsed in as such. I do know there has been a decline in the quality of nights at one of our clubs since the House Mistress passed away, but I think the community on the whole is still doing okay. I hope things improve soon, and you will find your place within it again.
Advocacy is the way to go. Keep it up, you're doing great things :)
Oh. let's be clear my leaving wasn't about the moment, it was 2 years in the making. I was just ready to leave. As for the scene changing, a friend said change doesn't come seamlessly, it's usually an explosion that levels and rebuilds.