Posts

The Stuff I Have To Say

Are Women and Men Different at Play?

By Spanky53 -
Image
One of the things I have always enjoyed is watching Women Top—whether they are Topping Men or Women, it has always intrigued me. It isn’t simply because I am a Switch, but because I have always been fascinated by the differences in how the mind works, particularly in how Men and Women engage in this world we play in. I’m not going to take you on some intellectual joyride about any of this. Like everything I write, this is a stream‑of‑consciousness piece based on my own experiences and observations. Size and strength, when it comes to the Kink world, are often mitigated by the abundance of toys available to level the playing field. I have played with a few Women Tops, but there was a defining moment when I truly saw how effective even a petite Woman could be in bringing a Man to his knees—literally. Some years ago, at a local dungeon space, I watched a Woman all of 5’2” wielding a flogger roughly the size of her, working her magic on a man secured to a St. Andrew’s Cross. This man...
Post a Comment
Read more

My Celibacy and Kink

By Spanky53 -
The Definition of Celibacy: Celibacy is the state of abstaining from sexual relations. Often, it is voluntarily chosen for various reasons, such as religious vows, personal beliefs, or a commitment to a certain lifestyle. It's important to remember that celibacy is different from abstinence; the former typically denotes a long-term commitment, while the latter might be more temporary. Definition of Kink: "Kink" refers to unconventional sexual preferences, behaviors, or fantasies that go beyond what is considered "vanilla" or traditional. Kinks can involve a wide range of activities, dynamics, or interests, often emphasizing power exchange, sensation play, role-playing, or fetishes. I have had an interesting relationship with celibacy and with kink. My interest and participation with both started at a young age. I lost my virginity at 13 to a high school junior, and my first realization that being spanked had an effect from a sexual aspect happened just a year ea...
Post a Comment
Read more

Is a Hotdog a Sandwich? Is a Top a Dominant?

By Spanky53 -
Image
  This is an age old question? Is a Hotdog a Sandwich?  Is a Top a Dominant?  What do you think? The creation of a sandwich and hotdog and the role of a Dominant or Top in the BDSM community can be correlated through the lens of intention, fulfillment, and balance. Here's how I think they might work out: 1. Let's break down the definition of a sandwich and a hot dog: Sandwich:  Traditionally, a sandwich consists of two slices of bread with various fillings such as meat, cheese, vegetables, and condiments. The basic structure is bread-filling-bread. However, there are countless variations, including open-faced sandwiches, wraps, and more. Hot Dog:  A hot dog is typically a cooked sausage (usually a frankfurter or wiener) served in a sliced bun. The bun is designed to hold the sausage and can include toppings like mustard, ketchup, onions, relish, and sauerkraut. Can this be taken to a thought level for the purpose of how we might see Tops and Dominants....
Post a Comment
Read more

Spankos vs. BDSM Players: Drawing the Lines—or Erasing Them

By Spanky53 -
Image
This post comes from a Reply I received from a Spanking centric Blog I sometimes visit.  I’ve always been intrigued, and admittedly a bit amused, by the Spanking community’s need to distance themselves from BDSM. It’s like they want to put up a big sign saying, “We are NOT those people.” Why the need for these hard lines? And more importantly, why does this seem so specific to certain groups, particularly the overwhelmingly White Spanko community? When I first started navigating the kink world, it was clear there were rules—both spoken and unspoken. I’m a dedicated Spanko, but even from the beginning, I noticed the sharp divide. Spankos seemed to look down on BDSM’ers, while BDSM’ers treated Spankos like cute little cousins, not quite in the same league. Both perspectives felt wrong to me. ### A Spanko’s Journey Through the Kink World One of my first interactions in the Spanko community really drove home the divide. A White woman told me she didn’t play with Black men because...
4 comments
Read more

Is Playing Interracially Race Play?

By Spanky53 -
Image
  As defined by [Kinkly](https://blog.kinkly.com/definition/race-play/), race play is BDSM that involves role-play with racial imagery. It typically involves interracial partners, though anyone can participate. It’s a type of advanced psychological play. Or as I like to say when asked to do so: *“Please miss me with that shit.” * I pose this as a question because I think there are fine lines and 1,000-foot chasms to consider. For me, it ties into why I had such a visceral response to the BDSM world. The terminology, the culture, and the practice all felt too aligned with the history of slavery. The concept of race play was always a hard no for me—even in my "vanilla" life before I found the world of BDSM and kink. Growing up in the ‘60s and ‘70s during the sexual revolution, this was an interesting thing to navigate. My introduction to white women wanting to play out a stereotypical Mandingo, *Sweet Sweetback* dynamic happened in college. It was the first time a white w...
4 comments
Read more

BLACK STYLE IN THE KINK COMMUNITY

By Spanky53 -
Image
  It’s been announced that for the 2025 Met Gala, four Black men—A$AP Rocky, Pharrell Williams, Lewis Hamilton, and Colman Domingo—will co-chair the event. This, in itself, is groundbreaking. Even more impactful is their focus on showcasing Black designers throughout history. Every layer of this announcement is historic.   The theme for the Met Gala will celebrate Black dandyism, style, and tailoring, with inspiration drawn from Monica L. Miller’s 2009 book *Slaves to Fashion: Black Dandyism and the Styling of Black Diasporic Identity*. The event will examine the concept of the “Black dandy,” tracing its development from Enlightenment Europe in the 18th century to its modern incarnations in 21st-century fashion hubs like London, New York, and Paris.   In the Black community, dressing well was never just about looking good—it was a cultural commitment. Weekends, and especially Sundays, were the pinnacle of style, with church being the ultimate runway. It was a sacred t...
6 comments
Read more

AGE APPROPRIATE KINK

By Spanky53 -
Image
  Recently, someone in a Discord group I’m part of posted an interesting question: "What Would Your Black Kink Dissertation Topic Be?" It struck a chord. There are so many things worth digging into, and the responses were solid—some were funny, others serious, but all of them sparked some good conversation. It got me thinking about something that’s been on my mind for the past 20 years. And now that I’m in my 70s—officially part of the septuagenarian club—it feels more relevant than ever. Seventy-one is a unique place to be. I always said I wouldn’t still be doing all *this* after 60. But age, as they say, comes with markers—those milestones we anticipate, maybe even invite. When I was 18, I couldn’t wait to leave my mother’s house. Actually, I left at 17 when I headed off to college. That’s also when I found my first disciplinarian and got my first spanking from someone who wasn’t family. Then came 21, and I discovered that my spanking skills were *appreciated* by the ...
4 comments
Read more